I am 40 years old today.
I wish it felt more magical or surreal, but I'm not as surprised by the lack of magic in the world anymore. Maybe that's what getting middle-aged is ... The realization that 99.9% of the time 'this is all there is'. The other .01% is what keeps you going, hoping, searching, waiting and observing.
It's kind of pathetic, but in an endearing way. Castles of sand, that kind of thing.
Now.. where's my coffee cup? I've got mundanities to avoid.
9.08.2009
9.04.2009
#fridayflash - Stuck
Standing to one side, I watched the crouched figure remove a nail from between its lips. The figure swiveled slightly, sweeping its gaze past me just for a moment. The opaque eyes panned the landscape beyond without searching or wavering. I might have been a fleeting emotion; untouched, unobserved and unable to connect with this consumed being.
Slowly, it placed the nail on top of its pale foot and brought the hammer down in one precise swing. No hesitation in the movement, no acknowledgement of pain, only deep involvement in the process. Nail from lips, to foot, swing of hammer and repeat the process. The figure’s tortured feet bristled with the consecrated nails. The ground beneath was a red reflective pool of form, action and indifference.
I shut my eyes to the void where anguish should be, and opened them to the dim light of my office. My throat was dry when I spoke.
“It seems your parents requested this meeting, yes?”
Giving the file an explanatory nudge, I glanced over at the young woman sitting across from me in the over-stuffed chair. My question hung in the air, as expected. I was the last hope after neuroscientists, psychiatrists and shamans. I was the traveler to her living purgatory. But I wasn’t her hope.
“I’m sorry.” Pausing for gentle emphasis, I continued, “I cannot help you.”
My senses intensified to gage her reaction - a honed response from having issued this innocuous finality before. The young woman continued to mindlessly regard the carpet, picked for its soothing blend of soft colors and simple patterns. The decorator had done well, but the lack of vitality in the office was almost obtrusive. Or perhaps I was still dealing with remnants of the girl’s psyche.
I paged the attendant to escort the young woman back to her room.
Gazing at her parent’s number on top of the closed file, I reached for the telephone handset. My mind conjured up the vision of a hammer swinging down resolutely. My knuckles went to my eyes, rubbing ineffectively to erase the visual that looped quietly in my head.
(story & illustration by me)
Slowly, it placed the nail on top of its pale foot and brought the hammer down in one precise swing. No hesitation in the movement, no acknowledgement of pain, only deep involvement in the process. Nail from lips, to foot, swing of hammer and repeat the process. The figure’s tortured feet bristled with the consecrated nails. The ground beneath was a red reflective pool of form, action and indifference.
I shut my eyes to the void where anguish should be, and opened them to the dim light of my office. My throat was dry when I spoke.
“It seems your parents requested this meeting, yes?”
Giving the file an explanatory nudge, I glanced over at the young woman sitting across from me in the over-stuffed chair. My question hung in the air, as expected. I was the last hope after neuroscientists, psychiatrists and shamans. I was the traveler to her living purgatory. But I wasn’t her hope.
“I’m sorry.” Pausing for gentle emphasis, I continued, “I cannot help you.”
My senses intensified to gage her reaction - a honed response from having issued this innocuous finality before. The young woman continued to mindlessly regard the carpet, picked for its soothing blend of soft colors and simple patterns. The decorator had done well, but the lack of vitality in the office was almost obtrusive. Or perhaps I was still dealing with remnants of the girl’s psyche.
I paged the attendant to escort the young woman back to her room.
Gazing at her parent’s number on top of the closed file, I reached for the telephone handset. My mind conjured up the vision of a hammer swinging down resolutely. My knuckles went to my eyes, rubbing ineffectively to erase the visual that looped quietly in my head.
(story & illustration by me)
8.30.2009
... for my listening pleasure
Having written previously about my lack of tenacity concerning new interests/projects, I would like to mention one abiding interest - podcasts!
I've had my Zune for over 2 years (upgraded once) and here is the short list of podcasts that I continue to listen to religiously:
This American Life A stimulating weekly radio/TV/free podcast, centered around changing weekly themes and stories that illustrate that theme.
The Moth Great unrehearsed stories direct from the storyteller, spoken in front of a live audience. My favorite podcast!
PRI: Selected Shorts Wonderfully narrated works of short fiction in front of a live audience.
I highly recommend all three of the above. While I have listened to many various other podcasts and found them entertaining, none have stood the test of time quite as well.
An honorable mention goes to the following, as a kind of guilty pleasure:
Smodcast Kevin Smith & Scott Mosier (the movies Dogma, Clerks, Jay & Silent Bob, etc.), waxing unpoetic and often quite lascivious about anything and everything, but hilarious enough to keep me laughing on long drives. Not for the prude!
Other podcasts have either fallen by the wayside or are so hit-and-miss that I hesitate to recommend them, and a few more are still in testing stages.
Within the last few months I've also become a member of Audible, and have been enjoying audiobooks regularly (which has cut down on my podcast time). I did find that I'm picky as hell concerning the voice of the narrator. I'd give Neil Gaiman first place as best narrator, and second place goes to Shaun Dooley, who sadly only has narrated 3 books that I can find - hopefully more are in the works. Maybe that's another blog post.
Oh, where's the Esperanto podcasts you ask? Good question, beyond a few radio shows from various countries, the net is powerfully lacking in Esperanto podcasts. If anyone knows of any - let me know!
I've had my Zune for over 2 years (upgraded once) and here is the short list of podcasts that I continue to listen to religiously:
This American Life A stimulating weekly radio/TV/free podcast, centered around changing weekly themes and stories that illustrate that theme.
The Moth Great unrehearsed stories direct from the storyteller, spoken in front of a live audience. My favorite podcast!
PRI: Selected Shorts Wonderfully narrated works of short fiction in front of a live audience.
I highly recommend all three of the above. While I have listened to many various other podcasts and found them entertaining, none have stood the test of time quite as well.
An honorable mention goes to the following, as a kind of guilty pleasure:
Smodcast Kevin Smith & Scott Mosier (the movies Dogma, Clerks, Jay & Silent Bob, etc.), waxing unpoetic and often quite lascivious about anything and everything, but hilarious enough to keep me laughing on long drives. Not for the prude!
Other podcasts have either fallen by the wayside or are so hit-and-miss that I hesitate to recommend them, and a few more are still in testing stages.
Within the last few months I've also become a member of Audible, and have been enjoying audiobooks regularly (which has cut down on my podcast time). I did find that I'm picky as hell concerning the voice of the narrator. I'd give Neil Gaiman first place as best narrator, and second place goes to Shaun Dooley, who sadly only has narrated 3 books that I can find - hopefully more are in the works. Maybe that's another blog post.
Oh, where's the Esperanto podcasts you ask? Good question, beyond a few radio shows from various countries, the net is powerfully lacking in Esperanto podcasts. If anyone knows of any - let me know!
8.29.2009
Cat on a Butterfly Farm
Confession:
I'm learning to accept my character (flaw?) of being constantly distracted by new projects/interests, while rarely sticking to them. One can only receive gently amused looks from friends and family members for so long before accepting certain facts.
I've decided that it isn't a bad thing, as if I could stop myself somehow...
I'm learning to accept my character (flaw?) of being constantly distracted by new projects/interests, while rarely sticking to them. One can only receive gently amused looks from friends and family members for so long before accepting certain facts.
I've decided that it isn't a bad thing, as if I could stop myself somehow...
8.28.2009
kurta penso
Nu, mi lernas Esperanton kaj nun ĝi iĝas pli malfacila. Mia filino ankaŭ lernas, sed ŝi ne ŝatas paroli, nur skribu kaj legu ĝin.
Multaj personoj helpas nin, el tuta mondo! Mi havas novamikojn kiujn parolas Esperanton el Tŭitero, Lernu.net kaj Facebook. Kelkfoje, mi iris al babilejo kaj parolu kun esperantistoj. Mi supozas ke ĝin estos facila kun pli laboro.
Multaj personoj helpas nin, el tuta mondo! Mi havas novamikojn kiujn parolas Esperanton el Tŭitero, Lernu.net kaj Facebook. Kelkfoje, mi iris al babilejo kaj parolu kun esperantistoj. Mi supozas ke ĝin estos facila kun pli laboro.
8.18.2009
7.08.2009
Duluth Bear
This bear sits outside Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory in Canal Park, Duluth MN. It's kind of a mini Duluth icon... Maggie just got 6 stitches on her chin from a run-in with a post, which explains the bandaging on her face.
6.22.2009
Monday Morning
It's been a ridiculously annoying morning and I haven't even had a cup of coffee yet. I woke up, with a start, at 6:22am to the sound of Kate's door shutting. I looked around and saw a pile of dog poop on the carpet, which I cleaned up while snarling at Kiko. I took him out and noticed the sky looked like impending rain. Kiko did nothing except get bird white wash on his nose. I brought him in and flopped back on the couch. Kate came out and said she woke up too early, so she heads downstairs to watch TV. Why didn't she take out the dog when she first woke up? She says didn't know she should, even though I've asked her every day for a week. Kiko whined at the stairwell. I laid there and tried to relax... I look up again to catch Kiko in the act of defiling my carpet again. Had he been whining to go out or because his Kate was downstairs? I jumped up snarling and threw him outside. Cleaned up the mess and laid back down again, only to notice it was just starting to sprinkle outside. Screw the dog - let him get wet.
I started to wonder when Kate had to catch the bus, so I got up and asked her - 10 more minutes. Laid there, counting the seconds. Kate came up, and got an umbrella because it was raining a bit harder. She left, and I lay there a short while then decide to get the dog in - but as I walk towards the back door, I see the top of an umbrella through the window. What?!? I opened the door to see Kate, who had missed the bus. Not her fault, of course - it drove right past, earlier than usual, as she was crossing the main street. Growling and cussing, I tell her to bring the dog in and dry him off while I got my jacket on to go. It starts pouring in earnest. Grab the dog (no one is awake to watch him, kennel too small) and we all get in the Durango. It won't start, imagine that - doesn't like wet days. Try again, again, again and again. Finally it shudders to life, and I let it run to warm it up a bit. The windshield fogs up as we head out. Sheets of rain, lots of cars, smelly wet dog, and two nettlesome people. Drop off the kid and head home almost, but not quite, chuckling at my day thus far.
I'm home now, and the coffee is ready.
I started to wonder when Kate had to catch the bus, so I got up and asked her - 10 more minutes. Laid there, counting the seconds. Kate came up, and got an umbrella because it was raining a bit harder. She left, and I lay there a short while then decide to get the dog in - but as I walk towards the back door, I see the top of an umbrella through the window. What?!? I opened the door to see Kate, who had missed the bus. Not her fault, of course - it drove right past, earlier than usual, as she was crossing the main street. Growling and cussing, I tell her to bring the dog in and dry him off while I got my jacket on to go. It starts pouring in earnest. Grab the dog (no one is awake to watch him, kennel too small) and we all get in the Durango. It won't start, imagine that - doesn't like wet days. Try again, again, again and again. Finally it shudders to life, and I let it run to warm it up a bit. The windshield fogs up as we head out. Sheets of rain, lots of cars, smelly wet dog, and two nettlesome people. Drop off the kid and head home almost, but not quite, chuckling at my day thus far.
I'm home now, and the coffee is ready.
5.20.2009
Thoughts ATC
Finished this today... I like it so much, I probably won't be trading or selling it. I'm learning to KEEP the ones I really like, prints can always be made later.
5.15.2009
5.14.2009
5.13.2009
Mime in Small Box ATC
Done for a personalized trade - gave me lots of trouble! I'm not used to drawing people - even painted people.
But, it turned out alright.
But, it turned out alright.
5.01.2009
Year of the Rabbit
First rabbit card done by request for a personalized swap - it was my first swap and it was FUN!
4.26.2009
4.18.2009
Twisty Roots
We went back to Jay Cooke State Park today, on a different trail. It was full of moss and very cool cedars with roots like these.
4.17.2009
one of THOSE trees
I could spend a load of time staring at this tree, with the river running behind it and the waterfall off to the right... *happy sigh*
I think it's a cedar.
Taken in Amnicon Falls State Park in Northern Wisconsin.
I think it's a cedar.
Taken in Amnicon Falls State Park in Northern Wisconsin.
4.15.2009
4.14.2009
A hike a day...
reinforces my love of the outdoors and my fear of heights. The picture was taken on the Munger Trail southwest of Duluth, MN.
I also joined Twitter, which was kind of silly - since I have lost most of my internet friends over the years (15th year online!) and can't seem to find them. Ah well.
I was accepted to join IllustratedATCs.com which is way cool, but it's kind of difficult to figure out how to use. We'll see - lotsa swaps and exceptional artists on there, though.
4.11.2009
The Two Chefs
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