9.11.2009

#fridayflash "Letter to the Editor"

To the Editors of Gourmet Trends,

We, here at GenetiFoods Corporation, would like to set the record straight regarding your brief article about our new line of treats. We are not the “barbaric overachievers” of the food industry, nor are we “blithe caterers to the X-omnis”, as your magazine erroneously labeled our corporation and our endeavors in the last issue (May 2120). We cater to all vores and do not ally ourselves with nor show preference to any specific group. (In fact, our efforts in creating more products for the insectivores are unparalleled – and everyvore knows that they are the toughest consumer market of all, with their overabundance of naturally occurring, albeit highly distasteful, food supply.) By designating us as “barbaric”, you designate our global customers as barbarians!

GenetiFoods Corp. does not overachieve, but rather we simply strive to feed the people. Our vast array of meticulously formulated consumables has withstood the test of time – from the early years of genhanced meats and vegenmatter to better feed growing global populations through the Famine War, to keeping up with supply and demand through the dark Green Age, and continues today in these times of highly demarcated consumer vore-factions. We are a global corporation retaining amazing longevity and the continued trust of all the vores. We have always been at the forefront of the Consumption Question – spearheading bold, and may we add successful, moves in the genetic engineering of new food products, safely and consistently.

Considering the latest atrocities committed by the extremist vore-factions of omnis and veguerillas (which epitomize barbarity, with their growing propensity towards mutual elimination, the latter in a vindictive reversal of long-held morals with its “eat the hunter” campaign), we feel strongly that our good name not be allied with any such extremist groups. Please retract your statements publically and without delay.

We would hope that our new line of tasty treats, e.g. JelliedBears and Elecones, inspires some revitalization of joie de vivre in the various vore markets. The older vores amongst us can attest to having made it a long way in a short time regarding global satiation, and more’s the pity to backslide into the Green Age-mentality of “feed to live” rather than enjoy one’s food – which is what we thought your publication is trying to overcome.

Adiro Helesthion Grubenhoff III, CEO
GenetiFoods Corporation



(story and illustration both by me)

23 comments:

  1. This letter to the editor hints at quite an interesting world out there. It would be neat to see some of the things out in that world. A letter is an excellent form for flash fiction. Good story!

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  2. I love it!! We've become vore-factions! This is great. :)It's also probably going to come true (although, I could do without the 'eat the hunter' campaign).

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  3. Fascinating!

    BACON!!!!!!!
    ~2


    p.s. I loved your story, pass the bacon

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  4. An interesting take on the futuristic food cliche. Vore-factions is a really cool concept. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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  5. I think the hints about a weirder world and doing the flash as a letter were both excellent ideas!

    I have to admit, the part about the veguerillas had me a little concerned because it plays into a common vegan stereotype, but your writing otherwise was really good. You paint a very strange (but cool) picture! Good work!

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  6. Ganymedar - I tried to balance it by showing there were extreme factions of omnivores too - because any group is capable of extremism or fanatacism. In the beginning I made a reference to x-omnis, and also later the extreme factions of omnivores and veguerillas bent on "mutual" destruction. Maybe it didn't come off as clearly unbiased as I intended.

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  7. Really. I mean, how could you not like a nice fluffy elephant cone?

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  8. You had me at "We cater to all vores..."

    Love the elephant cone, though personally I think I'll stick to ice cream. :)

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  9. Dude, you must have had the time of your life writing this piece. I know I had a great time reading it out loud ..and it begs to be read out loud complete with hand gestures.

    Favorite line: "GenetiFoods Corp. does not overachieve, but rather we simply strive to feed the people."

    Very creative. I love it.

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  10. Pure genius. I would never have the attention span to write something like this. Amazing.

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  11. Ha, very creative! Um, what's an "insectivore"?
    Nevermind, I don't think I want to know! :-)
    Love the idea of flash as a letter, too!
    Nice one.

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  12. Mmm. Strawberry elephant.

    I love writing innovative fiction, especially taking modes of prose not normally used to convey a story and tinkering with them. I never thought of a letter to a magazine defending one's company. That is a great idea, and quite amusing in the execution. Cheers!

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  13. I, too, found your letter/story wonderful! I also want to give you props for your illustration...you are really all kinds of creative! Bravo!

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  14. Thank you all for not only taking the time to read "Letter to the Editor", but also for the great comments - I appreciate every single one.

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  15. I really liked the language used here. The mock-marketing terms were fantastic and my favourite part - until I scrolled down and saw the elephant in a cone! Is it available in Neapolitan, as well?

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  16. This was thoroughly enjoyable. As an Omnivore, I laughed the whole way through. Eat the hunter was brilliant!
    ~jon

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  17. P.S. I screwed up the link to your story in the wrap up. Sorry about that. It's fixed now.

    Also wanted to say that I love your original art work. :)
    ~jon

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  18. I am a carnivore. And I have eaten a bug or two in my life (mostly while riding a bike) so I guess that would also technically make me an insectivore.....but the whole time I was reading your flash I kept thinking about the old joke about twinkies and cockroaches being the last things left after the nuclear holocaust and after this line "meticulously formulated consumables has withstood the test of time" I was SURE the product line being defended was going to be twinkies.But no! ELEPHANTS IN A CONE!!! say that again gleefully about four times and you'll get my reaction right. N i c e !!!
    loved it.
    Karen :0)

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  19. Unique and very clever! I love writing letters, and the hints yours hold of the world beyond are tantalizing and probably quite tasty.

    Very nice read!

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  20. I just loved 'veguerillas' - very creative and very funny!

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  21. I enjoyed the shot across the bow regarding the omni and veguerillas, and the "Eat the Hunter" campaign. That was too funny. I also enjoyed the corporation's committment to serving everyone, including the insectivores. Images of flies hovering over you-know-what came to mind when you wrote "naturally occurring, albeit highly distasteful, food supply." That one made me laugh, too. Good stuff.

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  22. Vore-factions is indeed quite clever!

    And I'm always a sucker for ridiculous corporate-speak.

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  23. Great use of form to give us a view into a larger world. Your creation of new words helps give the reader a sense of this 'new' world. Awesome stuff. Apologies for the late reply.

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